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Saturday, June 26, 2010

The anointing is for the others, the Presence is for you



In the Name of Jesus”, you quietly whisper as your hand lays gently on the brow of this young woman. Silently, quietly, you wait as faith continues to build in your heart. You know she will be healed. You have become accustomed to God responding to your prayers for healing. In fact, you have become known as one who has faith to bring healing to even the most terrible of diseases. It seems all it takes for faith to flow through heart and the anointing to be released is the love and compassion of Jesus to overwhelm you. There is no formula, no pattern, no standard prayer.


Watching the anointing flow through you is the most rewarding experience you have ever had and equally unexplainable. It is truly better to give than it is to receive. Knowing that He is using you to change another's life, to see someone respond to His love has no words to explain its sense of wonder and gratitude within. 


But that does not make it easier to dismiss the struggle of your own heart. Watching so many others healed does not settle the storm in your own spirit. The war within rages with each one you pray for and with each one who is healed. Of course, you rejoice with them . Of course, you are thankful for the anointing that flows regardless of who a person is or what they have or have not accomplished in life. You have seen fevers leave the smallest infant and the back of a ninety year old woman restored before your very eyes. You have seen marriages transformed and run-away children come home after the briefest of prayers. Still, the cry of your soul is relentless. The ache within is not even touched by all that you have seen, even at your own hands. It is not that you are ungrateful. That would be absurd. You are clearly overwhelmed at the power and love of God that others experience through you. You are baffled at being such a powerful instrument in the Hand of the Lord when there is so much within that causes you to question, to wonder; so much that resists Him and His ways. And, to be very honest, you wonder why so many are healed, so many are set free at the prayers you pray on their behalf, while you seem to be more broken than ever. How can it be that you are used for the eternal benefit of others while you are clearly less able, less worthy, less capable than most for whom you pray.



How can the same anointing that flows through me for the healing and benefit of others have no effect on the one through whom the anointing flows?”


 You have prayed for countless folks who have been healed immediately while no prayer seems to help you. You have prayed prayers of deliverance over many who have been set free from whatever afflicted them, while you still bleed with fear and sorrow over things from which you cannot find freedom. 



You thought you would be satisfied when God used you as He is using you. You thought that when more and more people were recognizing you, respecting you that you would be the happiest person. But that is not what has happened. You are plagued by the issues of your own humanity, tormented by the things thought long gone and forgotten. You heart yearns for Him, not for recognition or respect. Your heart yearns for union with Him. But surely He must not be pleased with you. Surely He is using you because there is no one else available, no one else willing, no one else cleaner than you. That must be it.








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